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26 July 2013

Official Spying Do's and Don'ts

Do's Don'ts
Pretend to be shocked at its extent and longevity Sabotage spying facilities
Demand it be reduced to a comfortable amount Stalk, threaten or harm officials, their families, homes, vehicles, workplaces
Accept secrecy of "comfortable amount" Preach obsessively about excessive secrecy
Trust official spy justification Colbert-mock official spin
Be satisfied with least highly classified information Praise disclosure of most highly classified information
Condemn and ridicule spying Admit to spying at home, work, online
Apologize espionage excessively Schadenfreude spy failure excessively
Relish national security and spy reporting, fiction and non-fiction Rage against and engorge media complicity
Resign top secret spy job Tell top secrets beyond NDA-protected pension
Accept secrecy of national security expenditures Cheat taxation, hide wealth, smear officials, support enemies
Fret national security maniacally Advocate anarchy, raise black flag, slit throats